Janet Jackson finally took a look in the mirror and realized she may have plumped up a bit. So she's enlisted the aid of Tony Martinez, since she's a pork roll with absolutely no self-restraint. Martinez has her on a stringent diet of salad, fruits, and vegetables, as opposed to her usual diet of butter, chocolate, and baby hippos. You know, I say fuck her fat ass if she can't take the necessary steps to diet and exercise on her own. I had a friend who decided being a sexless, 300-lb loser was not the way to go, so after doing situps until he dropped for several months, he slimmed down to an impressive 210 lbs. Now he gets more ass than he can handle. If that's not a good enough reason to want to put down the Twinkie and Miracle Whip, then I don't know what is. It's just ridiculous to think that you should pay someone a hundred bucks an hour to help you quit being a fat fuck. Hmm, on second thought, maybe there's merit to this racket. Hey Janet, stop eating! Go run around the fucking block a few times! You can contact me here so that we can discuss my payment...